Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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