i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
the liver wants what the liver wants
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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