Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you had me at cake vodka
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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