New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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