he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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