I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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