Already got asked if we're dating
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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