Umm I'm too high to move.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
