I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
