Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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