I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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