Tell her she can't have a vagina
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
