I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think weed is turning my hair brown
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
