We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
