if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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