Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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