I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
