Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
