are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
