yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
