Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
