your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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