She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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