Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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