Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
