Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
