your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
