i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
