I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
