what day is it and did you see me today?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
