My girlfriend figured out who you are.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
