i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
