Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
