P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
