Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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