i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
