just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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