I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
