I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
