Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
