Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
