Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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