If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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