She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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