im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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