Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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