I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
