I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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