Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
