Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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