He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
