eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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